Last night I went to my local gas station. My plan was to purchase my evening cigar, smoke it and then head to bed. When the cashier saw me, he knew what I wanted and selected it. He rang me up, I used my card and the payment machine said "Insufficient Funds". Whoops. This was actually a gift. It was a sign that smoking was not in my highest good and the "Insufficient Funds" were put on my path to bring that realization into my material reality.
Recently, I have been struggling to let go of smoking and caffeine again. I have found myself in a familiar internal conflict. One part of me, my Ego, does not want to let go of these material comforts. This part of me wants to stay within the "safe zone" as stepping out of it means continuing to step into the unknown. Between you and I, I think my Ego is exhausted of me stepping into the unknown and is resisting me with a great deal of full force right now.
The other part of me, my true self, knows that it's time again to release these material aspects of myself. By releasing the desire to smoke and drink caffeine, I will create more space to welcome in new energies and experiences. That they have served their purpose and in order to move forward, I have to say good-bye.
This isn't unfamiliar territory for me. Admittedly, I have been in denial lately that I'm "enjoying" these material comforts. I'm not. My body most certainly is not enjoying them but I'm so attached to them that I'm holding onto them like a vice grip. Why?
Through guidance provided to me after meditation, I came to the understanding that I'm resisting Change. I gave Change a capital "C" because it's as important to our existence as your name. Change is always constant and when we deny it, events occur in our life to help remind us that Change is inevitable as well as very good for us. Last night at the gas station was my reminder.
So my "struggle" is really my internal conflict with accepting and navigating change as a force of good. Without going into to many details right now, I have a great deal of emotional Change occurring in my life. There's so much happening that is requiring me to uphold better practices for my mind, heart and body. Releasing smoking and caffeine is part of this.
When I stop to think about this internal conflict, I realize it's just that an "internal" conflict. No one is imposing these aspects of our material civilization on me. I'm making the choice to have these material comforts and I'm making the choice to emotionally struggle. The reality is I do not need to struggle and I can let go of these material comforts through my own will power. However, I will acknowledge that in a world of Marketing & Advertising agencies that hide behind the manipulative illusion that "it's up the the consumer to moderate themselves", it's very hard to let go of these comforts.
However, it is possible. I can take my power back and be my best self by letting go of what no longer serves me. Last night I didn't smoke because I had no money, right? That's too simple. Last night I didn't smoke because it's time to let it go. I can embrace it or choose to go back to it. I choose to embrace Change.
That's all for now! Thanks for reading and have a great present moment!
Matt
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